if you are ever as deep or as shallow whichever way you decide to see me [ deep or shallow being ,Relative] as i think i've been making a fool out of myself , you 'll surely one day come to the conclusion that unless the divine becomes the single object of your life after all these vain personal efforts, as she calls it, there's no point in this stupidity called Integral yoga in my life , as i found it out today, it's a snail's trail, you will climb 5 mts up on the wall but will end up comin down 4mts down by the night. And so the divine mother will say "you are not ready kid, grow up" after about 5 yrs of this personal effort [which she says is really indispensable] i've had the honour of listening to this. And now i'am convinced that i cant get the better of this condition that the divine should be my only object of interest because how much ever am trying to believe this is possible , it's overruled completely by the sheer amount of failures that i've had to face in this attempt . You will simply realize that you live actually for a thousand or may be a million, i dont know!!!! [it's concealed from you, you know ignorance is Bliss], other things than the divine. And they will always come back to haunt you, always they dont care a damn about this personal effort. It's just not possible. And so iam resigned to fATE. i will live and i shall die. am not a stupid to continue or involve myself in this snail's trail PERSONAL EFFORT of mine . I shall labour like a dog or like a sewage cleaner and something says dude it's not enough, dude it's just not enough!!!!, you got to make sure you remain unaffected through the night so that you can reap the benefit of day time sewage cleaning. And the divine be the only hot pursuit. the worldly veil is not being removed from my eyes [and i wonder how it can ever be removed when am right in the middle of the action trying my best to do the sewage cleaning job both my shit as well as the shit that others throw on me and so any amount of personal effort goes down the drain,[literally.]
And so i've decided to pursue a couple of other interests i have or i've taken up in my life seriously and just see if there's any hope that they will blossom into something , cos' it surely will give me the confidence to take up other future challenges. Just want to know if you take something up and pursue it, will it succeed???? i dont know, but am ready in my own way to fight . i'll keep updating you guys [ i wonder who else is reading what i write other than me.]
And just in case any dude out there doesn't get a damn of what i write, dont bother , continue with your fuckin Life.
