Saturday, June 28, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Garuda pramana maa, pranam to you
Pratyaksa, Anumana, Sabda, Upamana all 4 in one little experience through gomatha by me in that statue of Lord Garuda, maa saves my trembling faith in Life...... maa there is no substitute to this guidance by the Lord..... i asked you if this way is also a way to you, the experience tells me it is , however bad it looks, this way is also a way ............... did pray for kingship in this world maa you are the shakti let your will decide and me be there before you as king or popper as you will. Convey my thanks to Shiva,..and the Lord Garuda.......
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
need for stoic equality and saatwic vision of knowledge
readin SA on Equality where he states the tamasic equality, rajasic
equaltiy, Stoic Self Discipline equality....now if i read that in relation to my
Life.. to which category do i belong or am i trying to move towards the final large equality of the Yoga based on....." the saatwic vision of knowledge, at its
root the aim at self-realisation and in its steps the ascent to the
divine Nature."
to look more into these in his own words...........
"........The tamasic unwillingness to accept the pain
and effort of life is indeed by itself a weakening and degrading
thing, and in this lies the danger of preaching to all alike the
gospel of asceticism and world-disgust, that it puts the stamp of
a tamasic weakness and shrinking on unfit souls, confuses their
understanding, buddhibhedam˙ janayet, diminishes the sustained
aspiration, the confidence in living, the power of effort which the
soul of man needs for its salutary, its necessary rajasic struggle
to master its environment, without really opening to it—for it
is yet incapable of that—a higher goal, a greater endeavour,
a mightier victory. But in souls that are fit this tamasic recoil
may serve a useful spiritual purpose by slaying their rajasic
attraction, their eager preoccupation with the lower life which
prevents the sattwic awakening to a higher possibility. Seeking
then for a refuge in the void they have created, they are able to
hear the divine call, “O soul that findest thyself in this transient
and unhappy world, turn and put thy delight in Me,” anityam
asukham˙ lokam imam˙ pra¯pya bhajasva ma¯m."
" ...As the tamasic inward recoil is a
generalisation of Nature’s principle of jugups¯a or self-protection
from suffering, so the rajasic upward movement is a generalisation
of Nature’s other principle of the acceptance of struggle and
effort and the innate impulse of life towards mastery and victory;but it transfers the battle to the field where alone complete
victory is possible. Instead of a struggle for scattered outward
aims and transient successes, it proposes nothing less than the
conquest of Nature and the world itself by a spiritual struggle
and an inner victory."
"....The tamasic recoil turns from both the
pains and pleasures of the world to flee from them; the rajasic
movement turns upon them to bear, master and rise superior to
them...."
"......the Stoic ideal seizes upon this point of departure and makes it
the key to an entire liberation of the soul from subjection to all
weakness of its lower nature...."
"....The Stoic self-discipline calls desire and passion into its
embrace of the wrestler and crushes them between its arms, as
did old Dhritarashtra in the epic the iron image of Bhima. It
endures the shock of things painful and pleasurable, the causes
of the physical and mental affections of the nature, and breaks
their effects to pieces; it is complete when the soul can bear all
touches without being pained or attracted, excited or troubled.
It seeks to make man the conqueror and king of his nature.
The Gita, making its call on the warrior nature of Arjuna,
starts with this heroic movement. It calls on him to turn on the
great enemy desire and slay it. Its first description of equality is
that of the Stoic philosopher."
But the Gita accepts this Stoic discipline, this heroic philosophy,
on the same condition that it accepts the tamasic recoil,
—it must have above it the sattwic vision of knowledge, at its
root the aim at self-realisation and in its steps the ascent to the
divine Nature. A Stoic discipline which merely crushed down
the common affections of our human nature,—although less
dangerous than a tamasic weariness of life, unfruitful pessimism
and sterile inertia, because it would at least increase the power
and self-mastery of the soul,—would still be no unmixed good,
since it might lead to insensibility and an inhuman isolation
without giving the true spiritual release. The Stoic equality is
justified as an element in the discipline of the Gita because it
can be associated with and can help to the realisation of the
free immutable Self in the mobile human being,........and to status in that new self-consciousness,......
“Awakening by the understanding to the Highest which is beyond
even the discerning mind, put force on the self by the
self to make it firm and still, and slay this enemy who is so
hard to assail, Desire.” Both the tamasic recoil of escape and
the rajasic movement of struggle and victory are only justified
when they look beyond themselves through the sattwic principle
to the self-knowledge which legitimises both the recoil and the
struggle."
these have to be the next movements in my Life....if i continue to do this rajasic equality thing you know what he said you are an unfit soul trying to escape from the tamasic recoil which would have devastating consequences for the consciousness.........in Life...... But with my attachment to mom and family and works, doubts assail me and i understand and come to conclusions about my capacity in Life......... got good mental consciousness to grasp and infer from them and comprehend; good mental faculty but the soul stuff is not ready.............probably that's y Pavitra's been suggested name....... good and ancient mental consciousness that can absorb these age old foundations of spirituality......but the soul is not yet ready perhaps and thats why ending up with these ugliness all too often fighting, porn, struggle, petty victories, defeats, setbacks delays all these dominate my Life......And spirituality is like a crutch support for these inadequacies...not the sole pillar like how it was for that Lad Prahalada, for Lord Narasimha would have taken care of this fellow Mani in Life.
root the aim at self-realisation and in its steps the ascent to the
divine Nature."
to look more into these in his own words...........
"........The tamasic unwillingness to accept the pain
and effort of life is indeed by itself a weakening and degrading
thing, and in this lies the danger of preaching to all alike the
gospel of asceticism and world-disgust, that it puts the stamp of
a tamasic weakness and shrinking on unfit souls, confuses their
understanding, buddhibhedam˙ janayet, diminishes the sustained
aspiration, the confidence in living, the power of effort which the
soul of man needs for its salutary, its necessary rajasic struggle
to master its environment, without really opening to it—for it
is yet incapable of that—a higher goal, a greater endeavour,
a mightier victory. But in souls that are fit this tamasic recoil
may serve a useful spiritual purpose by slaying their rajasic
attraction, their eager preoccupation with the lower life which
prevents the sattwic awakening to a higher possibility. Seeking
then for a refuge in the void they have created, they are able to
hear the divine call, “O soul that findest thyself in this transient
and unhappy world, turn and put thy delight in Me,” anityam
asukham˙ lokam imam˙ pra¯pya bhajasva ma¯m."
" ...As the tamasic inward recoil is a
generalisation of Nature’s principle of jugups¯a or self-protection
from suffering, so the rajasic upward movement is a generalisation
of Nature’s other principle of the acceptance of struggle and
effort and the innate impulse of life towards mastery and victory;but it transfers the battle to the field where alone complete
victory is possible. Instead of a struggle for scattered outward
aims and transient successes, it proposes nothing less than the
conquest of Nature and the world itself by a spiritual struggle
and an inner victory."
"....The tamasic recoil turns from both the
pains and pleasures of the world to flee from them; the rajasic
movement turns upon them to bear, master and rise superior to
them...."
"......the Stoic ideal seizes upon this point of departure and makes it
the key to an entire liberation of the soul from subjection to all
weakness of its lower nature...."
"....The Stoic self-discipline calls desire and passion into its
embrace of the wrestler and crushes them between its arms, as
did old Dhritarashtra in the epic the iron image of Bhima. It
endures the shock of things painful and pleasurable, the causes
of the physical and mental affections of the nature, and breaks
their effects to pieces; it is complete when the soul can bear all
touches without being pained or attracted, excited or troubled.
It seeks to make man the conqueror and king of his nature.
The Gita, making its call on the warrior nature of Arjuna,
starts with this heroic movement. It calls on him to turn on the
great enemy desire and slay it. Its first description of equality is
that of the Stoic philosopher."
But the Gita accepts this Stoic discipline, this heroic philosophy,
on the same condition that it accepts the tamasic recoil,
—it must have above it the sattwic vision of knowledge, at its
root the aim at self-realisation and in its steps the ascent to the
divine Nature. A Stoic discipline which merely crushed down
the common affections of our human nature,—although less
dangerous than a tamasic weariness of life, unfruitful pessimism
and sterile inertia, because it would at least increase the power
and self-mastery of the soul,—would still be no unmixed good,
since it might lead to insensibility and an inhuman isolation
without giving the true spiritual release. The Stoic equality is
justified as an element in the discipline of the Gita because it
can be associated with and can help to the realisation of the
free immutable Self in the mobile human being,........and to status in that new self-consciousness,......
“Awakening by the understanding to the Highest which is beyond
even the discerning mind, put force on the self by the
self to make it firm and still, and slay this enemy who is so
hard to assail, Desire.” Both the tamasic recoil of escape and
the rajasic movement of struggle and victory are only justified
when they look beyond themselves through the sattwic principle
to the self-knowledge which legitimises both the recoil and the
struggle."
these have to be the next movements in my Life....if i continue to do this rajasic equality thing you know what he said you are an unfit soul trying to escape from the tamasic recoil which would have devastating consequences for the consciousness.........in Life...... But with my attachment to mom and family and works, doubts assail me and i understand and come to conclusions about my capacity in Life......... got good mental consciousness to grasp and infer from them and comprehend; good mental faculty but the soul stuff is not ready.............probably that's y Pavitra's been suggested name....... good and ancient mental consciousness that can absorb these age old foundations of spirituality......but the soul is not yet ready perhaps and thats why ending up with these ugliness all too often fighting, porn, struggle, petty victories, defeats, setbacks delays all these dominate my Life......And spirituality is like a crutch support for these inadequacies...not the sole pillar like how it was for that Lad Prahalada, for Lord Narasimha would have taken care of this fellow Mani in Life.
DTTAH - no spiritual call yet
Yeah, Dont Try This At Home, if you dont have a spiritual call. You should have clearly stated about this I. Yoga. Yeah i know SA has said you could try some form of Gita yoga as a preparation at Home...... but in trying or making it more than that i have failed miserably in all ways...... in this Life...... Going thro some of the Advaita summaries... it is clear that one needs a thorough programme related to the pursuit of the self experience or even the sOUL EXPERIENCE THat is the aTMAN. Even Ramakrishna a kali worshipper practiced a bit of Tantra became a muslim and even prayed before christ, with such a vast all embracing approach, if we see his Life it is clear that he went about his Life with a spiritual agenda, met various people learnt things from them..... who have i met in Life or have i ever had a thorough agenda like those people had.....their Life stories are strangely similiar to a very successful student in a specific stream of academics who goes onto meet people enriching his environs.... studies stuffs related, researches and then comes out the master. Every one even SA and the Mother have gone through this Routine, in my case not a single event of this nature has happened and a parentage as difficult as this my dad has kicked me as a boy for not filling up the toilet bucket as and when it goes empty.....slapped me on the street for going away by mistake knowing he didn't have a key to open the door. Beat me for some insignificant reasons reportedly for bad marks on an insignificant exam..... Endless is my ordeal with this fellow.... and now have fallen to the level of giving it back to him........ but then it was a response to him troubling and assaulting my Mother, another one of things that goes against my so called spirituality am so attached to my mOther cant see harm to her....
Reading the story of a Lion that grew up with the sheeps and believed he is a sheep.... is my case similiar....no. Till yesterday when this unsavory incident the brawl with this fellow no strong experience has told me in no uncertain terms .... me am a lion..always it's like i encourage and reassure myself.... had a dream kissing a LION though, but what is actually meant by the Lion in the story is the knowledge of the Brahman which need to be there constantly as the base rhythm of my Life......... my very parentage and the ordeals and the limited spiritual programme with which i have set out in Life suggests spiritual call is absent i have been forced by my Karma to approach the divine in the status of artha, and then now trying to proceed into artha arthi which seems for now like a failure......now how to move into jignasu.....it is mind boggling.....
Reading the story of a Lion that grew up with the sheeps and believed he is a sheep.... is my case similiar....no. Till yesterday when this unsavory incident the brawl with this fellow no strong experience has told me in no uncertain terms .... me am a lion..always it's like i encourage and reassure myself.... had a dream kissing a LION though, but what is actually meant by the Lion in the story is the knowledge of the Brahman which need to be there constantly as the base rhythm of my Life......... my very parentage and the ordeals and the limited spiritual programme with which i have set out in Life suggests spiritual call is absent i have been forced by my Karma to approach the divine in the status of artha, and then now trying to proceed into artha arthi which seems for now like a failure......now how to move into jignasu.....it is mind boggling.....
Monday, June 23, 2014
Battling the world forces
always thought i was battling the forces at a safe distance but unfortunately didn't realize that they could invade very easily throuh fathers and mothers any time.Being a rebel and the safety of being rebel........ i liked it... but now i realize what i question i must also battle becos i had made a connection and unconsciously or consciously asked for it......
3 have been my battle elements..... unrefined intellect represented by traditional old safe types, and the reason and bright intellect that is arrogant thinking it is the leader. These two will inevitably come into clash in this world in the future. Because both have not a clue about their inadequacy and the need for bold endeavours.
physical resistances samskaras subconscious impure mixtures, to further worsen is the bad food intake which SA calls the annam.
vital impurities prana in the nervous and those feelings close to the body........
So having a precise idea about what i lack and my inadequacies shows that my preparation or the basis of Yoga which mom talks about is wider than most who profess they follow SA.
No one not even this blog knows my entire journey. As this blog contains mostly only my sordid ramblings and rants. Let me digress a bit and state the key inner elements that made me take the path i took.
1] i have been living in the SUBLIMINAL worlds.oFCOURSE THEY are NEITHER PURE OR REFINED. many instances have been seen before hand in this time zone before they happened on the actual physical plane. Example saw my grand pa's medical and physical condition 3 0r 4 days before he was admitted to the hospital ofcourse could not grasp the meaning of the symbolic image of him in a strange loin cloth which turns out to be the the diaper he had to wear for his suffering condition in the hospital. suffered along him with my own little tooth aches and bleeding gum problems.....
2] i have a belief that i have made access to and if encouraged could break an important block in the intuitive plane. So have been living in this intuitive plane on a frequent basis. But how far have been mislead in this zone in my works in what SA calls could be the the intermediate zone remains to be seen in the future waiting to get more clarity on this...........
3] Have had access to higher knowledge and seen them in action live in Life not like others intellectually discuss these things...........cosmic consciousness..........
4] Mom has i believe introduced me in all these mixture to the Ascent and descent experiences, i fail to understand her wisdom in doing this to a boy who has such troublesome Life finding a firm footing in the world and a troubled parentage.
Now having gone thru these and more what i need for further progress is a stable foundation and an increasing clarity of the self experience and realization aspect. shall take up any path whoever offers me in this direction in the future of course only after am done with this Family thing.
Until then IT 's a break to SA and Mother in my Life.
3 have been my battle elements..... unrefined intellect represented by traditional old safe types, and the reason and bright intellect that is arrogant thinking it is the leader. These two will inevitably come into clash in this world in the future. Because both have not a clue about their inadequacy and the need for bold endeavours.
physical resistances samskaras subconscious impure mixtures, to further worsen is the bad food intake which SA calls the annam.
vital impurities prana in the nervous and those feelings close to the body........
So having a precise idea about what i lack and my inadequacies shows that my preparation or the basis of Yoga which mom talks about is wider than most who profess they follow SA.
No one not even this blog knows my entire journey. As this blog contains mostly only my sordid ramblings and rants. Let me digress a bit and state the key inner elements that made me take the path i took.
1] i have been living in the SUBLIMINAL worlds.oFCOURSE THEY are NEITHER PURE OR REFINED. many instances have been seen before hand in this time zone before they happened on the actual physical plane. Example saw my grand pa's medical and physical condition 3 0r 4 days before he was admitted to the hospital ofcourse could not grasp the meaning of the symbolic image of him in a strange loin cloth which turns out to be the the diaper he had to wear for his suffering condition in the hospital. suffered along him with my own little tooth aches and bleeding gum problems.....
2] i have a belief that i have made access to and if encouraged could break an important block in the intuitive plane. So have been living in this intuitive plane on a frequent basis. But how far have been mislead in this zone in my works in what SA calls could be the the intermediate zone remains to be seen in the future waiting to get more clarity on this...........
3] Have had access to higher knowledge and seen them in action live in Life not like others intellectually discuss these things...........cosmic consciousness..........
4] Mom has i believe introduced me in all these mixture to the Ascent and descent experiences, i fail to understand her wisdom in doing this to a boy who has such troublesome Life finding a firm footing in the world and a troubled parentage.
Now having gone thru these and more what i need for further progress is a stable foundation and an increasing clarity of the self experience and realization aspect. shall take up any path whoever offers me in this direction in the future of course only after am done with this Family thing.
Until then IT 's a break to SA and Mother in my Life.
V FOR VIOLENCE
This puts my inner Life in question. This shows the inner Life in poor Light. I have none at all. All i have been doing is following an ambition mixed with desire and called the divine for help. But i ask the gods would you call this violence or courage. Confronted my Father about poking of nose by non family guy... who knows nothing about my or the family's dynamics,giving advice to My Mother. And meanwhile he is into his usual diatribes with Mother about her mom, sister side family.
Looking back i remember once again cursing and cussing, the reason and intellect that ignores or jeers or insults a genuine effort .
If the insults or jeering or ignoring part is done on me.... it is struggled , falls down, assimilated digested and put with difficulty finally before knowledge, before the lord and sorted out. But the forces are directing it towards my mom gomathy.....
And the fucker because he has very little intellect to argue, is onto physical assault on gomathy. What do i do this Time BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG........ a mixture of boxing wrestling threesome male male female.......all bare hands torn shirts, broken glasses, bruised bodies and aching muscles on top of the aching joints........
Looking back i remember once again cursing and cussing, the reason and intellect that ignores or jeers or insults a genuine effort .
If the insults or jeering or ignoring part is done on me.... it is struggled , falls down, assimilated digested and put with difficulty finally before knowledge, before the lord and sorted out. But the forces are directing it towards my mom gomathy.....
And the fucker because he has very little intellect to argue, is onto physical assault on gomathy. What do i do this Time BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG........ a mixture of boxing wrestling threesome male male female.......all bare hands torn shirts, broken glasses, bruised bodies and aching muscles on top of the aching joints........
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
why complain when I can ask thee.
Maa call for an appropriate outer life rhythm one that will be in sync and tune with the true inner life rhythm. And I want the freedom and power to lead that life.but.... maaa what happens if I had made some wrong decisions ignorant of this fact that the true inner life should set the rhythm of my outer life . But what if i move on leaving those wrong orientations and there are may be no right or wrong decisions.The right orientation is to live Life to find your grace everyday, no matter what the present outer rhythms are. like how it was yesterday and today ..and then....at the temple premises also... I mean could you ask those guys playing the koothu rhythms at the temple entry/exit point to stop abruptly.....not appropriate. But something ......like that percussionist meesaimurges V saw on TV,an appropriate outer expression coming from the fountains of the inner core. by your grace and will shall find this harmony ,balance and a certainity of progress that one seeks in life, the last one so espescially as it is a certain mental personality I got naturally like that guy elliot. But let me not imagine or even plan anything this time because as said earlier, this time it is about finding your grace and will.if there's anything to be sacrificed to find your grace and establish your will in life ....this time let me do It right as an offering to the inner agni.becos from experience I understand that one loses nothing in this process except for the ego. The particular mental personality.. I got it seems from what I saw in that guy elliot.. is sure to move on as long as one loves what one does and one shares or gives that to others and then receives in a natural flow done in and with the spirit of things. s
Saturday, June 7, 2014
material thoughts ......about to.quit...
Water shortage ,Neighbourhood chaos, grandpa sickness, gomthy's problems, problems and delays in the works , Maa it is that period when material thoughts are being let a free reign that too all at once.saw a brain game Tv series where they talk about this bad habit of brain to shun processing multiple tasks. Probably am letting it do that mistake.In any case V got to be over material thoughts rather than be assailed by them. maa this weather ....adds upto the mental problems it is intense and relentless..and the accumulated pain in various parts of the body all these at once in this play.didn't know I was signing up for this. Almost on the verge of giving up...
Friday, June 6, 2014
distortion
maa whenever things seem difficult hopeless and
delayed it seems like the divine is on the side of
the image of a deserter or insanity; this my mind
imagines..... But upon experience and reflection
the divine seem to be like oriented towards the most
efficient way of doing any particular thing by
entering into a close union with the object. So if
at all the mind imagines in the former way... you
have to understand that it may be the resistance and incapacity
that it feels and is distorting it to that image,
ofcourse each thing done has a process and its own
time of effectuity in space ....that is understood
but i wanted to get over this feeling of desertion
that i get from time to time.
delayed it seems like the divine is on the side of
the image of a deserter or insanity; this my mind
imagines..... But upon experience and reflection
the divine seem to be like oriented towards the most
efficient way of doing any particular thing by
entering into a close union with the object. So if
at all the mind imagines in the former way... you
have to understand that it may be the resistance and incapacity
that it feels and is distorting it to that image,
ofcourse each thing done has a process and its own
time of effectuity in space ....that is understood
but i wanted to get over this feeling of desertion
that i get from time to time.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
ask thee
I ask thee .... having consciously or subconsciously sought power and victory invoking you and taking what you have said as guiding light , I find myself subjected to immense difficulty and often times due to this emphasis on power and victory which seem to have taken place in a kshatriya spirit, I am unable to reconcile this aspect of my nature without a positive response or conclusion . It makes my spirit saddened to hear of those talks on psychic prana and the desire soul and the straining....... for whatever I have done has been amidst strain pain nervous , it puts a stop sign on an entire way of life of being without any help and a concluding and reconciling response.
struggle
It is a struggle to not fall into despair and give up the far away ideals and broad bases of yoga on which one lives, amidst people and society living momentary lives.doing so involves considerable friction and confusion.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Stagecraft
Maa it all looks like stagecraft by that fellow in LIfe. Pulling and changing scenes around me.do I I cry or laugh at these.... the upkeep and maintanence of the body, collaboration in it maa... the making of choices and the state of consciousness amidst this play and such intense stagecraft.... I need not tell you about tthis. You know'em all too well. Prayers maa and help again..... and again in all
maa and one more thing one finds is that despite the gravity( grandpa) and ugliness(stomach ails drainage blocks) and chaos surrounding these stagecraft events they seem to build up towards an increase in faith and proximity with you in the world and in the body and an eventual reconciliation of everything in their respective paths towards you.
maa and one more thing one finds is that despite the gravity( grandpa) and ugliness(stomach ails drainage blocks) and chaos surrounding these stagecraft events they seem to build up towards an increase in faith and proximity with you in the world and in the body and an eventual reconciliation of everything in their respective paths towards you.
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