Capacity matters !!!!

ennale mudiyathu................ if you think you cant you are usually right,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Mom 'am back!!!! & A BIG THANKS

From now on let me remember that am a warrior and a warrior has got to do what he's got to do, no more mental questions!!! Relieve me of Fear, bless me with patience, and develop all these underdeveloped traits in me , maa , i trust you completely, maa , forgive me pleazz maa forgive me. Jai maa ki.

Tales of Vain Effort and Resignation

if you are ever as deep or as shallow whichever way you decide to see me [ deep or shallow being ,Relative] as i think i've been making a fool out of myself , you 'll surely one day come to the conclusion that unless the divine becomes the single object of your life after all these vain personal efforts, as she calls it, there's no point in this stupidity called Integral yoga in my life , as i found it out today, it's a snail's trail, you will climb 5 mts up on the wall but will end up comin down 4mts down by the night. And so the divine mother will say "you are not ready kid, grow up" after about 5 yrs of this personal effort [which she says is really indispensable] i've had the honour of listening to this. And now i'am convinced that i cant get the better of this condition that the divine should be my only object of interest because how much ever am trying to believe this is possible , it's overruled completely by the sheer amount of failures that i've had to face in this attempt . You will simply realize that you live actually for a thousand or may be a million, i dont know!!!! [it's concealed from you, you know ignorance is Bliss], other things than the divine. And they will always come back to haunt you, always they dont care a damn about this personal effort. It's just not possible. And so iam resigned to fATE. i will live and i shall die. am not a stupid to continue or involve myself in this snail's trail PERSONAL EFFORT of mine . I shall labour like a dog or like a sewage cleaner and something says dude it's not enough, dude it's just not enough!!!!, you got to make sure you remain unaffected through the night so that you can reap the benefit of day time sewage cleaning. And the divine be the only hot pursuit. the worldly veil is not being removed from my eyes [and i wonder how it can ever be removed when am right in the middle of the action trying my best to do the sewage cleaning job both my shit as well as the shit that others throw on me and so any amount of personal effort goes down the drain,[literally.]

And so i've decided to pursue a couple of other interests i have or i've taken up in my life seriously and just see if there's any hope that they will blossom into something , cos' it surely will give me the confidence to take up other future challenges. Just want to know if you take something up and pursue it, will it succeed???? i dont know, but am ready in my own way to fight . i'll keep updating you guys [ i wonder who else is reading what i write other than me.]

And just in case any dude out there doesn't get a damn of what i write, dont bother , continue with your fuckin Life.

Thanks Maa

New goal in sight,,,,, and today it's the festival of light!!!!!

blog

once am really, seriously into Sadhana this blog should stop.

Thanks Maa

.......... Om Namo Bhagavate....

Maa....

show 'em the right way.

Maa let thy will prevail

.................. in the end. Forgive me for this imperfect yoga. Sorry Maa.

we shall.....

we shall face life as IT IS, and i will not make the mistake of despairing and losing hope. Mom's word.

Rage within me

this energy will be shown through my works from now on. Mom, learnt an important lesson today and that is to never let these outside turbulences to impact the continuity of my sadhana i should recover my usual calm poise back. And that means to identify the wrong and strike it at its root be it outside or inside. Mom i seek for ruthless efficiency, strike at the root of falsehood both inside and outside. get strong. Falsehood was torn apart from its hiding places. It did affect me but do i care, now that i have given it you, let me focus back on the one job that is my life but with a new awareness of how bad things are both inside and outside. Thanks mom for the help . Mom i assure you, i shall do the same thing again if ever i were to come across the same situation in Life, while i continue my Sadhana. i shall leave it to your feet as an error and continue my journey. Forgive me Mom . This act gave me peace. Jai hogi maa ki. Naa thera naa meraa.

World's stupid !!!!!

It's something i've been realizing more and more, after all it's attempts to make me feel like unsuccessful unwealthy basically making me feel like lacking in everytrhing that it has set up as its bench mark for successfull social living. Now am totally convinced. i played it's game i understood the futility of what it calls success and fame, bullshit with this world, all our intellectual toil the so called innovative and organized lifestyle nothing but disasters waiting to happen without the sanction of the one thing i've realized to be the reason for all the things, it's the divine.
But to play the game from the Divine's side also hasn't been easy infact it has been double the labour so it's like a cycle complete for me, donno what to do, it's so tough, what mom says, i should be there i see some light at the end of the tunnel, but am kind of hesitant, fallen yet again, i really dont have a choice in this regard you gotta keep moving, am taking the next best solution which is [simple joy of exploration in my work as my motivation and continue with my faltering steps in this sadhana]. whether or not i want my life invariably becomes Sadhana. Because i try to stay with the pure simple harmony and the forces within me gather up all their mighty strength and knock me down to prove their mighty pettiness of their strength.

here iam

starting from scratch or i say, really know not where the heck am i in this maze .

remain quiet

silence and peace for the night, for the pure nourishment from the divine. Jai Maa ki, Om Namo Bhagawate.

Confrontation

Another moment of kurukshetra, i've lost count of it, but am getting out to be a better fighter and i offer this to the divine,the great lover and teacher. In life, i see the unavoidable spectacle of confrontation, wherein you are put face to face with the falsehood that you've been tolerating inside you or in others, only this time i got a witness perspective of this situation [ a little less pressure!!!!]. This enabled me to understand why certain situations turn the way they do because the Divine wants us to face it fearless and conquer it as an offering at his feet without any needless egoistic reactions inside us. Alas poor K.P doesn't know what's going inside him and why it is that this situation has come up . Neverthless i took his side of the argument and fought for what i believed was right . My resolve to be with the divine friend gets a little clear now. hope this little lesson also helps . Jai maa ki.

the other part of my being

it is crass, vulgar, it gets excited, it loses the calm and peace, it gets exhausted, it gives up the effort after getting impatient, it is just not silent enough to hear or wait to hear the divine whisper and silence. it exagerrates little things, it is a lot of times affected by outside confusions and obscurities. It is the OTHER PART OF MY BEING. pray to Mom and offer this guy at her feet, let me find the strength to submit this crass unrefined fellow at her feet. Maa my pranams.

Find That Something

Find that Something, that's the message i start my day today, after the Night's debacle . Hope eternal, springs 'up' in me. Maa FREEDOM PLEAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ when i start finding that something on a constant basis and mange to unite my entire earth stuff around that something and live for it alone................ That 'll be the day of my Freedom . amma pleazzzzz . i realize yet again how any work gets done one has to be patient one has to do this yagna of works carefully . That's my latest understanding. And i also realize the need to guard oneself against every deception put up by the unchanged Vital. Let's see .
Some thing will happen if i persist.

Agni's lesson

i dont know how to detach and yet be at work with all these obscurities inside me and thrown at me from outside. cant see how one does this , am failing , not the divine but me failing miserably.
What can Lord Agni do about this when such is my condition. there's no way i can be a yogi and be detached if that's what mom wants from me. let's see.

Lord Agni

sadhana requires the help of lord Agni. Mom knows what's best for me. She'll lead me. Jai Maa Ki.

am not a Nihilist

All life is kurukshetra

"But what, then, is it that makes the difficulty for the man who has to take the world as it is and act in it and yet would live, within, the spiritual life? What is this aspect of existence which appals his awakened mind and brings about what the title of the first chapter of the Gita calls significantly the Yoga of the dejection of Arjuna, the dejection and discouragement felt by the human being when he is forced to face the spectacle of the universe as it really is with the veil of the ethical illusion, the illusion of self-righteousness torn from his eyes, before a higher reconciliation with himself is effected? It is that aspect which is figured outwardly in the carnage and massacre of Kurukshetra and spiritually by the vision of the Lord of all things as Time arising to devour and destroy the creatures whom it has made. This is the vision of the Lord of all existence as the universal Creator but also the universal Destroyer, of whom the ancient Scripture can say in a ruthless image, ''The sages and the heroes are his food and death is the spice of his banquet.'' It is one and the same truth seen first indirectly and obscurely in the facts of life and then directly and clearly in the soul's vision of that which manifests itself in life. The outward aspect is that of world-existence and human existence proceeding by struggle and slaughter; the inward aspect is that of the universal Being fulfilling himself in a vast creation and a vast destruction. Life a battle and a field of death, this is Kurukshetra; God the Terrible, this is the vision that Arjuna sees on that field of massacre. "


- the lord.

Every one's Arjuna . And the problem continues..............................................

paradoxical- Sadhana.

life's paradoxical, am taking a nihilist approach, life's meaningless, however meaningful you try to make it. Even if there were to be any meaning, any source that's driving us , it's too far away and concealed and distorted for the human in me to find it out in this short life span,

Success, joy, grief, ideas, principles, all nothing but some hazy methods to just live this fuckin life, there's no finality other than death in this life.