the spiritual age

Sri Aurobindo - The Human Cycle - The Advent and Progress of the Spiritual Age

For before the decisive change can be made, the stumbling
intellectual reason has to be converted into the precise and
luminous intuitive, until that
again can rise into higher ranges to overmind and supermind
or gnosis. The uncertain and stumbling mental will has to rise
towards the sure intuitive and into a higher divine and gnostic
will, the psychic sweetness, fire and light of the soul behind the
heart, hr.daye guh¯ay¯am, has to alchemise our crude emotions
and the hard egoisms and clamant desires of our vital nature."

if only i had this intuition maa i wouldn't stumble, i didn't ask for it because i thought every thing that happens in my life has your sanction. am in no position to be working for intuitive faculties, too dangerous in this style of economic living. shit . all collapsed. the necessary fieldwork for the things predicted by sa are hardly here but these events in my life are asking for these faculties........ so question is why you give me situations that you yourself would have struggled if you guys were with your family. Thats why i guess its safe to be away from family and practice this yoga inside your ashram environment an environment designed with a specific fabric to suit your vision, not the hostile or opposite environs i live in. you both. Answer me and don't give me these lectures on spiritual ages, for which am  not waiting, your sincere sadhaks can do that. you will always find another one.

today my mother asked me to stop and get out. you let me down before people. she said that before this father guy, from whom i was trying to protect her. Now she has asked me to pack my bag for reasons economic.why start something when it couldn't ever be completed on time...... well people live in time and are bound by it......time is also money. the whole thing i did looks like the perfect self deception.