Why doesn't efforts come to a finality

Struggle, struggle, struggle..................all the way.................... am getting impatient and angry at the voice that says you are impatient, fuckin work place again,[ nth time in my life] interrupts the way i learn stuffs, and the perrineal problem of earning a livelihood [added pressure of marriage and PROPERTY] fuck u all morons for putting pressure on me like this, while having this need to grow organically in my own pace and manner. Its brutal squeezing that requires absolute perfection at all levels to face it. Bloody lord, dont even dream i'll do this the day i no longer need to do this, all my communications with u will stop.