Mother wants Guaranty

little does my mother know that the driver's not me, and she really thinks that i'am doing this and that, the whole pursuit in this life... that i've taken up would not have been possible if it was "gopi" the little person, the will within is the thing that drives this, so whatever it's will- is done. i don't know it's will in the future say "next minute". So when she asks me for a guarantee of the family's financial fortunes getting better... I'm kind of stumped, cos' i live second by second,

i play the proverbial son saying "don't worry", everything will be alright. Guess that's what she wants to hear and that's what i told her... but other than this, really..... that image of the guy doing the "yagnya by the side of fire" is the only truth in life, i guess it's hard for her to understand this, anyways i don't expect her to... i say to her - "we are safe only with d'mom". when i say that, she always kind of thinks am being a monk saying that Phrase, little does she realize that it is the truth of life on this planet, while we were speaking, this news of 159 people dead in an air crash is broadcast, so what's all about this financial guarantee i wonder. But i do understand her situation, i know d'mom is with her as much as she's with me,
i just hope am a little more with the divine especially during the nights.

lord i wont say i will try, i say i am with you lord, i have these difficulties in the night my body takes consistent beating with all all these outside forces and lack of a perfect detachment, and so i give up the effort,

Lord as an afterthought i want to say- is it not entirely possible, for a change, to not be this poor cousin, poor friend, poor son, poor neighbor poor colleague poor employee, this whole relative poverty sucks..... not that i feel inferior but that it definitely gives people a kind of superior air when they are in my presence, cos' am this good bright intelligent fellow with all the right qualities and hey!! he makes less money than us, less endowed than us, so feel better about yourself and your life [ the kind of thing you saw in Slum dog ]

ok i guess am speaking a lot cos' i have a follower now and once again am a little down, it's time for the effort.