mannar company - it was the will of the divine!!!!!

my question is simple why and for how long is this mannar company thing gonna continue, but i really thank you for giving me a stipend even without having to go to any place called office. that's interesting..... but it's really like uncertain and like they may stop it any time and it really doesn't give me or especially my mother any confidence, the only thing that will give me any confidence is if my skills improve and am able to apply it in a job and some one finds me useful and gives some job worth mentioning and some steady livelihood to take decisions about life.

the difficulty in explaining my situation to this world [ except my mother whom i have taken into confidence through love]is the fact that i cant tell them am working on improving my skills right now, [ am 29, and all those who inquire about my current situation are well settled in life, this includes even friends of my own age ] WHAT I DO TAKES IMMENSE TIME AND ENERGY AND ESPECIALLY TOUGH WHEN YOU ARE DOING IN A COUNTRY WITH LITTLE EXPOSURE, AND YOU ARE STARTING OUT LATE AFTER ALL THOSE OBSCURE CHILDHOOD LEADING TO COLLEGE EDUCATION DECISIONS, HOW CAN THIS BE EXPLAINED TO PEOPLE WITHOUT LOSING ONE'S POISE AND CALMNESS, BESIDES IT'S QUITE POINTLESS, WASTING ONE'S ENERGY, EXPLAINING THESE TO PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND NOTHING BUT mONEY ... MONEY FOR SURE TALKS !!!!THERE ARE A HUNDRED PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN IF YOU ARE PART OF THIS SOCIETY AND HAPPEN TO MEET THEM so i try to avoid them , AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT LIE... I CALL IT CONCEALING THE TRUTH AND NOT EXACTLY A LIE. I DO THIS WITH EVeN MY fATHER NOT KNOWING IT TILL KNOW. BEEN DOING THIS FOR AROUND A YEAR. bUT THIS stipend THING FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS FOR SURE HELPED A DAMN LOT. I JUST HOPE IT CONTINUES A LITTLE LONGER , I HAVE MY FINGERS CROSSED , BECAUSE I SURE HAVE A LOT TO WORK ON MY SKILLS AND SEE HOW FAR I CAN GO, ALL DEPENDS ON THE STIPEND THING, LET'S SEE WE WILL TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME, BUT IF I MANAGE TO ACQUIRE A SOLID SKILL I WILL GET A GRIP OVER MY FINANCIAL CONSTRAINT AND INDEPENDENCE.

i pray to the lord to end this mannar drama, inside the theater of life, as soon as possible; guess it's all in my hands to work out how soon or late this will be done.

So that's how it goes, the story of "mannar company" am least ashamed of it. i act with conviction. Now onto the effort.