past week

these were the things i had to say to maa- this past week........

1] Maa don't know how but this morning after the usual night slumber  found myself complaining saying_ " maa am sick, short of time, and I don't know what is to be done for work." and then a little while later am Being  before you saying maa here's the concentration for the sadhana consciousness Saying this without any mental strain effort, but as some kind of a natural  result of an "ever present calm" which one is increasingly finding in the movements, which seems to have percolated the external consciousness, weakening the morning syndrome . ended up the day on an inspiring note sketching a piece of art plastic cast which i got from the sandhai) in record time. quite a revelation of the progress one has made, and one can make . while i type this am reminded of the words in The Life Divine- "Life where it choses to conquer, it conquers....."
2] Some part of me that is separate, above ,during these difficult circumstances (mom crying in agony - pain) which was from the inner living- that said maa although I want to leave this place for the library (cos' anyway I can't help them anyway, neither am I responsible for their pain), I still will prefer to do what you will . And then the movements........... she(mom) cries, and my rebellious nonchalant attitude  readying myself to leave and then she cries, pleading me to stay for receiving the cylinder.and then the quiet silent thing above takes over leading me to volunteer to bring the auto for dad mani(whom i was inner scolding for mom-mathy 's difficult karma for the future and he's delaying and slow when someone's in intense pain) to take mommathy to the doc.but as stated above the higher thing knows and decides or should decide every minute thing in life,whatever be the circumstances .
3] so dont bother if your social outer avatar looks bad atleast it is truly reflecting the fight of the inner and higher regions and most importantly you are aware of it, while the rest of the humanity is busy propping up their weak already dismantled "outer", dressing it up again and again and following each other in a vain ever repeating generational pass-time.

their support is science. should be overridden. but how????? i dont know.