ease me.............. maa

poor health, poor nights. poor me, pity me , guilty me, everything me..........
what are we up to, now that it's officially over- the "stipend" , future is blank,i gaze into the unknown, unforeseen and the unexpected and one more effort is required, of faith and hope and optimism, to find out if there really is scope for any adventure in the field i chose, or is it a wild goose chase again............. is there a job for me in this field........ guess we'll find out in a couple of months.

there is not a hint of a possibility of a higher life for me..... i slide into lust and desire, and there's no point in calling the divine.... so lets see what's in store as it is vain to call the divine in such a state.

i completely understand the conditions of yoga and hence my difficulty in continuing with it on the strength of an excited resolve.

there is an absence of a guru's personal touch in my life and his directions as i stray and toil and waste in a vicious circle. nobody to tell me what to do, i mean why are nights so vengeful and totally out of control, i' am simply taken apart at nights, the answer for it that i got is that i haven't yet made the decisive contact with my self which is like the zenith of sadhana.

there is no indication in my life of a possibility of that happening. Fear rules over me, as i gaze into the unknown, unforeseen and the unexpected. from fear comes desire.from desire comes lust. with lust the downfall is complete.