request to the lord

why not you speak about my condition, i know you have done enough of that, but still it lacks a personal understanding of what's going on in my life, like the night time shockers and my inability and lack of any deeper knowledge inside me.maa inside me show me something deep, i said and i insist... show me something deep, right inside me, i stop talking now . i'll be silent, please maa do this for me, show me something deep right inside me,

maa i have to work for a livelihood, and god knows how anything deep can be found when am in a workplace, or am i destined for a life of "blindness for bread state...." maa all these doubts does play a part in my condition, change the circumstances or bring some new understanding of the circumstance, maa please light maa in my life.

you are not a fortune teller but still these are my genuine questions and they deserve an answer. how is your way consistent with the practicalities that this life throws.

i feel a need to make a decisive contact with something deep inside me to tackle the situation arising out of FEAR. Its like a fear in the body to take up a moment in its entirety. it is this fear and it is fuelled by this lack of a lasting contact with something deep inside me that has the instant abilty to put anything in order, you have stated this in your experiences, maa now my question is, is there a chance in my life of "this" happening

i should see a possibility of this happening or else am unable to continue with sadhana under such conditions , i should see a possibiltiy, just a possibility to take this as an enterprising attempt, i need to make that decisive contact with my depths which you talk about in your prayers and meditations, in the meanwhile in a couple of months it will be job hunt for a living that this fellow "gopi" will have to carry out.

you decide whether this lad deserves that discovery. i leave it to you, but this is my in depth, honest study of your life and its application in my life. And my finding is that i need to make a decisive meeting with my own inner self. this i say after making the nth attemt to follow a life of absolute consecration, all attempts ending like disasters.


i am totally incapable of judging my state and i leave that to you. you decide the course and you decide my destiny. am just focussed on work and its consecration right now, am really not getting into intense sadhana, which in any case ends on an absurd note every time.